How to Build a Chick Perch in About 15 Minutes (Part 3 of 3)

If you’ve been tuned in for the past couple days, then you’ve been waiting impatiently, thinking about nothing but what new enlightenment this post would bring. If not, then you’d better go back and read this (part one) and then this (part two). I’ll be here when you get back.

Step Six:

You may now notice that the lights are all off and your rosy-cheeked children are inexplicably playing board games and reading books by the natural light from the windows, instead of their pale faces being illuminated by the sickly cast of computer screens while every light in the house is on. Investigate.

Keen observation will detect a suspicious absence of dirty dishes on the counter. In their place, a wide variety of tools and hardware.

Also, the distractingly hot body of your husband doing something practical and useful for the family and thereby rudely interrupting your relaxing afternoon project of enriching the lives of your chickens. He’s updating your 1950’s home’s 2-prong outlets with modern 3-prong outlets so you can actually use them to power things. Except you can’t at the moment because he has the darn electricity turned off for the whole house. As though that’s necessary. AmIrite? Take a break. Stare at hot body as long as necessary.

Step Seven:
You’ll know when he’s done working and turned the electricity back on, by the screams of joy from the children who may now return to their usual occupations. After you test the three prong outlets to see that, sure enough, they really work (which of course you never doubted because you trust his handiwork implicitly but still you’d just like to see if they really work), you can finally plug in your glue gun and start putting your masterpiece together.

This step is fast and painless. All you’re doing is affixing your sticks to your blocks of wood to create this:

Sooooo easy! Which is why it’s so important to liven things up by making faces while you work:

Step Eight:
Enlist the quality control team to ensure proper construction techniques have been employed.

Tasty hot glue: Check.
Genuine lumber, authentic sticks: Check.

Step Nine:
Take obsessive numbers of pictures in an attempt to capture at least one of them appearing to enjoy the fruit of your labor.

Contemplate the wonder of spending an entire afternoon on a project that the chicks are manifestly lukewarm in regard to. Observe the chicks go insanely crazily happy joyful over a pomegranate seed that your three-year-old casually hands to one of them. Watch as they chase each other gleefully around and then race back to him to beg for more.

Step Ten (this is the important one):
Reflect on the fact that it really is possible to try just a wee bit too hard to please someone.

Say to yourself: Maybe next time I want to enrich someone’s life I’ll just sit back and hold a pomegranate in my hand.

2 responses to “How to Build a Chick Perch in About 15 Minutes (Part 3 of 3)

  1. I love step ten! There’s a lot of step ten at my house. That’s why you and I will never enjoy the riches of Martha Stewart, because she measures her impact in dozens of perfect photographs and not in human (or animal) interaction.
    Oh well!

    • Oh, no! I was hoping the pomegranates would bring me the riches. I’m pretty sure there’s a strong connection between pomegranates, earth (under-earth at least), and therefore riches, right?
      Maybe not. Oh well.

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