According to the Huffington Post, the idea for the CDC’s viral Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Plan campaign arose when a staffer noticed that the word “zombie” caused their twitter traffic to spike. To which of course I had the same response that all red-blooded (non-zombie) Americans had: Hey, I need a twitter feed spike too!
So today I’m talking about zombies. Specifically, what to do when your three homeschooled children start losing parts of their bodies, chasing you around with relentless hungry stares, and emitting endless, garbled groans and shrieks.
I can really help you with this because, you see, mine already do all of that. Here’s Eli’s mutilated face, with pieces falling out:
And here’s what my kitchen sounds like RIGHT NOW:
So, obviously, you don’t have to wait. The Zombie Apocalypse has already begun over here. Come on over for a preview.
Oh, and in other news, you don’t have to wait for Saturday for the Rapture either. I’ve got a preview of that in my kitchen too:
Zombies AND the Rapture. Somebody brush me up on my lore, but don’t those two go together somehow? Like, Jesus comes back and raises the dead, and the good guys all go to heaven and the rest of us stay here with the CDC and fight zombies?
Bring it on. I’m ready.